My advice to anyone about to face a difficult conversation is to consider where it will take place. Have you arranged it or has it been pre-determined?
If you know you are facing a difficult conversation my advice would be to try and ensure that you are comfortable in the location. If thats not possible, understand where it will take place and consider how it can be used to your advantage.
Choose the location of the conversation carefully. If you can, make it somewhere quiet so you can both concentrate on what is being said and why. Ensure if possible that it’s free of distractions (children, phonecalls, interuptions etc). This is important for a couple of reasons.
You are controlling the environment (where the conversation takes place) and therefore already have an edge as you can position yourself in an authoritative manner. Consider whether you will be standing or sitting and what impact does that have on how you are seen. Is it safe? What are your exits plans for safety if required?
Health Warning – Is it oppressive to the other person? Be mindful that it might make them uncomfortable and therefore make a true conversation difficult. Or use it to your advantage
Hard control – Where you have implied authority. There is a reason that police interviews take place in a sterile room with calm colours and no distractions. This is hard control. The detainee can’t go anywhere and the interviewer can dictate the flow of questioning. A doctor will use a quiet room when passing distressing news not in a busy waiting room. So do you need that hard control and implied authority? Think boardroom, your office or your car. Consider if it helps or hinders your objective.
Soft control – this is a place preferably of your choosing that is comfortable to have the conversation. Movement is not restricted but you still want a level of calm and control. If you’re in someone else’s home where would be a good neutral place? Perhaps outside or the living room. Health warning – not the kitchen. It tends to be the hub of the house, it brings distractions (And potential weapons….) Consider if talking to children/teens do you want them to feel safe and secure? – use their bedroom. Want them to be less combative or defensive? Take them out of that enviroment. It is less likely to be productive if you’re talking to them in their own environment where they feel safe/comfortable.
If the environment is calm with little or no distractions it means you have a better chance of having the complete attention of the other party. It’s private, no chances of playing up to others or having others interfere. This is crucial to a successful difficult conversation – Remember, a negotiation is a conversation with purpose. Use your environment to your advantage.
